


a study of you and the fact that i can’t stop fucking shaking

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: sorry about pinterest i checked to see if your thing was still up and abby decided it was stalking and now i feel really bad but i’ve felt really bad for the past fifteen hours so whatever i guess i don’t know





	a study of you and the fact that i can’t stop fucking shaking

i don't know what to do anymore

i'm still not quite sure what i did wrong

but obviously there's something that i'm not doing quite right

and wow, that fucking hurt

i wish i could say calling her cute with your arm around me was closer to a metaphor than it is to real life

and i wish i could say that i didn't read what abby showed me and start shaking like my limbs were tectonic plates and my entire body was a fucking earthquake

but i'd be lying because it seems like i was right when i convinced myself that you liked her and my entire body shook for more than forty five minutes

it's always depressing when one of the things that i finally convinced myself was an outlandish made up anxiety dream turns out being reality

and today felt pretty damn perfect

until two thirty

and it all fell apart

the parts i thought were good all felt so fucking bad

i wish i didn't care so much

but my hands are shaking as i type this

and hearing that felt like a punch in the stomach and it's been a while since i panicked to the point of getting physically sick

i came home trembling and my parents are threatening to take off my fucking door because i won’t tell them why

i just want to be mad at you but i want to forgive you at the same time

but how am i supposed to know if your apologies are genuine?

your "i love you"'s don't quite seem like they were because i don't know if you can love me while saying all this to her

you wrote so many things but now i'm doubting if you meant them

somehow i'm in tears and it's hard to not want to be in your arms right now

although i can't help but wonder if this whole time you were picturing her

i wish i knew what to do

but everything just hurts right now

and i don't know how to make it better

i don't know if you even like me at all

i don't know if you want this to be the end

i'm still confused, but i guess a bit less oblivious

and as much as i love space as in galaxies

i think i might need a little more of a different kind of space for a little while

**Author's Note:**

> sorry.


End file.
